SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS!

I have blogwalked farah hanan's blog and found good tips about parenting. Handling 2 kiddos- the active toddler and growing up baby, banyak ilmu perlu ditimba. Sebagai ingatan takut sering terlupa. Lets read together..;)

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Parenting tips from one of the top gynaecologist in M'sia Dr Harlina Halizah Siraj, Consultant O&G in UKM Medical Centre and Head of Personal Professional Development Unit, Medical Education Department, UKM Medical Faculty.  

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : 

Tip no.1 :

Strive to be the best role model to your children. Make them proud of you first  before you can expect them to make you proud. How about asking this  question to your adolescent kids today : ` Have I ever made you proud,  son/daughter?' Reflect on the answer, if you're gonna get one.

* InsyaAllah, will try the best as we can!

Tip no.2 :

Display your commitment, affection and  love for each other (as parents & couple) for your children to see.  Put on your best smiles the moment you step into the house, no matter  how bad things are at work. Make your home as the sanctuary & heaven on earth for the kids. Keep it warm & cozy with your prayers and  unconditional love for everyone.  

* balik keje, singgah speedmart beli Adam choc ;)

Tip no. 3 : 

Avoid degrading or talking badabout your spouse in front of the children. Remember, it is their father/mother you're  complaining about. Don't try to win them over & make them go against your spouse. That's not win-lose, in fact, it is definitely a  lose-lose! 

* nak gaduh masuk bilik yer!!

Tip no. 4 : 

Appreciate every single deed and help you received from your children.  Thank them, praise them - loud and clear for everybody to hear. Put on  your best smile while thanking them. You have just made up their day.

* thank u Adam...Adam will reply "Adam good boy"..angkat bakul sendiri!!

Tip no. 5 :

Practice what you preach. But don't preach every time you talk to the children. It might sound like a good  sermon to you, but to them, it is simply a nag! Don't ever begin your  sentence with ` When I was your age,..'. If you do, just watch their  eyes rolling up & their ears turning deaf.

*mommy turned to monster ;(

Tip no. 6 : 

Provide spiritual guide to your children - they need the framework & structure. Never neglect spirituality in  everything you do. Pray together as much as you could. Read the Quran  and reflect on its meaning. Convince them, spiritual health is as  important (if not more) as physical, mental & emotional health.

*InsyaAllah!!

Tip no. 7 :

Apologize for your mistakes and shortcomings, tho' sorry is the hardest word, esp. for parents. We can  be wrong too. The children need to be reminded that they're being raised by HUMAN BEINGS, not angels. Try hard not to repeat the mistakes. This  might be the most difficult tip to practise!

Tip no. 8 :

Allow some space for your adolescents to  make decisions and guide them from there. Trust them. Who else will if  not you, the parent who raised them up! Don't doubt your parenting.  Avoid suffocating them with your over-protectiveness. Let them learn  from their mistakes.

Tip no 9: Introduce your children to your friends/colleagues. Exhibit how much  you appreciate them & proud to be associated with them. Only then  you could expect your kids to introduced their friends to you!

Tip no. 10:

Learn about your children's love  languages. Each has a different, dominant type, tho' they might come  from the same womb. Manage the diversity. Adapt the best parenting  method for each of them. Get feedback - that's the only way to improve.

Tip no. 11 :

Thank Allah everyday for selecting you,of all the parents in the world, to be THE parent to these beautiful  children. Feel honoured by the privileges of being a parent. Enjoy your  parenthood - despite the hardship, pain, worries and sleepless nights  (not mentioning the big bucks). Cherish your role - show how much you  love being a parent!

* Alhamdulillah, I'm blessed!!

Tip no.12 :

Treasure your own parents, and let the children realize how much  you love them. Visit their graves (if they are no longer alive) &  tell the children amazing stories about their deceased grandparents. If  they're still alive, allow the children to spend their holidays  together. Allow grandparents to occupy a special place in the children's hearts & live

* Omma, okki, nenek and late tata!

Tip no.13 :

Involve the children in making plans for the family - renovating the house, buying a new car, selecting gifts etc. Best time to teach  them about family value & traditions. Let them suggest, however  indicate who's the boss. Be fair, sporting and reasonable - this is when the children learn the rules of the game. 

Tip no. 14 :

Instill love for books & knowledge into  your children's lives. Hang around in bookshops & never miss the  annual book fair. Being digital natives, introduce them to e-books,  digital readers & tablets. Read together as a family. You're  enriching them with a legacy.

*woooiii, kalau pergi mothercare SP, lalu MPH sure kena masuk, paling min RM10 mesti hilang. Adam is a book and computer geek!!

Tip no. 15 :

Be fair in showing off your affection to each of your  children. Deal with sibling rivalry - do not just ignore it. Make time  to understand the dynamics, address the dissatisfaction, attend to each  complaint. Put yourself in their shoes - they always see things  differently! 

Tip no. 16 :

Learn to say NO to your children, esp. on matters of principles. Do not  compromise your values to accommodate their demands. Provide guidance,  framework & structure. They need those to lead a successful &  meaningful future.

* yup, try to teach about discipline from early kids.

Tip no. 17 : 

Avoid calling your children `problematic' - esp when you can't handle them. Let's rephrase - they are children with `difficulties' -  varying degrees, of course. Some quite trivial, some really massive!  They need your help & assistance. Do not give up or abandon them  now! 

Tip no. 18 : 

Support each other in your parenting process. Display solidarity, restrain from  open contradiction on parenting styles. Kids tend to be manipulative if  they know you both have disagreement. Single parents, engage others  (family, close friends) to support you. You shouldn't shoulder these  duties alone!

Tip no. 19 :

Instill sense of belonging among your children. Train the young ones to respect the elder siblings, vice versa. Keep them closely knitted.Treat  them equally, avoid favoritism. Express unconditional love. Everyone  matters & has a special, dedicated place in everybody's heart. 

Tip no. 20 :

Befriend your adolescent kids - if  possible be their best friend . Avoid being their worst enemy. No doubt  parenting adolescents can be most challenging, but they're also facing  the most difficult phase of their lives. Friends are not judgmental,  loyal and keep secrets well, while enemies despise & couldn't stand  one another.Which one is you?

Tip no. 21:

Respond appropriately when others complained about your  children's misbehavior/misconduct. Do not take it personally. Do not  stage war or threaten to take legal action against the complainant  before investigating thoroughly. It takes the whole world (not just a  village) to raise a child these days. 

* agreed!!

Tip no. 22 :

Make time to read the Quran together with your children, especially the adolescents. Ponder on the translation. Help  each other to memorize some parts of the Quran. Each child should have  his/her own Quran (+ translation) hardcopy, besides a mobile phone @  laptop!

* try as much to be better muslimah!!

Tip no. 23 :

Raise your boys to be caring, thoughtful and responsible men. Never humiliate them in front of others, esp the siblings. Be a good listener and  mind-reader. Listen to his silence. Read his body languages. Your  teenage boy is sending out a message : SOS, help me survive this rapids  of adolescence! Anybody listening out there? 

Tip no. 24 :

Engage in intellectual discussion with  your spouse - on issues of environment, politics,socio-economics.  Include the children in the discourse, get their opinions. Avoid  gossiping about the neighbours/artists/politicians. Stop quarelling over petty matters. Enlighten your home with rays of wisdom and virtues.

Tip no. 25:

Play with your toddlers ( below five years) - that was what Saidina Ali ra proposed. Dads, carry them over  your shoulders - give them the chance to see the world from where you  stand. Rasulullah SAW did that to his grandsons. The child psychologists agreed that is the best way to carry your toddler!

Tip no. 26 : 

Pay attention to your adolescent girl.  She really wanna know whether she inherits your beauty, Mum! She  desperately needs to know whether you think she's pretty and  presentable, Dad! Assure her that in your eyes - she is the most  beautiful and charming. She needs that affirmation to face the world of  fake beauty outside!

Tip no.27 :

Discipline your children (esp those between 7-12 years of age) with love. Sound familiar,eh? How can that be possible? If you really  love them, train your children with discipline, self-restraint and  strong will. Instill consistency and high standard of self-management.  Unfortunately, it all has to start with you first! 

Tip no. 28 :

Watch your children sleeping. See how  innocent and peaceful they are! Thank Allah for trusting you to look  after His beautiful, tender creatures. Promise Allah that you will  seriously take good care of them. Keep to your promise - never ever  forget that!

* the most wonderful moment!!

Tip no. 29:

Listen to your children. I really mean it. LISTEN to their stories, laugh at their jokes and answer their questions. Give your  undivided attention if they need you to listen to their worries,  complaints etc. Look into their eyes. Once they're assured that you care enough for them, they are ready to face ANY challenges out there! 

Tip no. 30:

Groom your children with good manners - train them to say`Please', `Thank you', `Excuse me' etc. Teach them the right body language, facial expression and voice intonation that goes  along with those pleasant words. Explain what rudeness means, make them  aware of social norms & cultural values surrounding them surrounding them.

*"mommy adam nk mlik plizzzzz..."- sambil tangan mcm pussy cat in boot!;)